Winging it

Photo Source: LJ Mathews

As a mother of a pilot, I tend to notice when  airline articles come up whether it be in magazines, newspapers or whatever. Here is an email I received some time back. I have no idea whether it is true, I doubt it, but it makes for a chuckle or two.

Ground crew: after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers. By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!



Problem: left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced it

Problem: Something loose in the cockpit
Solution:  Something tightened in the cockpit

Problem: DME unbelievably loud
Solution: DME volume set to a more believable level

Problem: Evidence of a leak in main landing gear
Solution:  Evidence removed

Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield
Solution: Live bugs on back order

Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
Solution: That's what friction locks are for

Problem: Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution: Suspect you're right.

Problem: IFF inoperative in OFF mode
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

Problem: Hearing noise like a midget with a hammer
Solution: Took hammer off midget